Her Life's Choice
by HeidiBug731
Summary: Alice's father offered her a choice: find a husband or be admitted to the asylum. Though Alice chooses the asylum, Mrs. Darcy's son still desires to have tea with her. The two strike an unlikely friendship, maybe even love. But is the hold of Wonderland simply too strong for Alice to start her life anew? Follows the events of the show.
1. Darcy

Alice sat with Milly. The girl had insisted on having a tea party with just the two of them. The scene reminded her of happier memories of her childhood and some good memories from Wonderland. Thinking of Wonderland in any capacity was painful because she immediately thought of Cyrus, but Alice couldn't say no to Milly. She was the one person in the house Alice found she couldn't be angry with. Her pain and anger seemed to melt at her younger half sister's innocence and gentleness.

So they boiled some tea. Milly sat her white rabbit and brown bear in tiny chairs, and they filled their teas glasses. They were just adding cream and sugar when there came a knock on the study door.

Alice looked up to see Mrs. Darcy's son standing in the doorway. "Hello, Alice." He looked at her sister. "Milly, your parents want you downstairs."

Alice stood as Milly did the same. She walked happily past the young man and Alice could hear her little footsteps trailing down the stairs.

Mrs. Darcy's son stepped into the room. "Forgive me for the rudeness," he said. "Normally we'd have a chaperone, but your parents insisted you'd rather talk alone-"

"I'd rather not talk at all," said Alice curtly. She could see now that the tea party idea had been planted by her father and stepmother in order to get her and Mrs. Darcy's son the tea time she had refused the day before, and she didn't appreciate the effort. "I really have no interest in courtship at the moment."

"I - didn't think you did," he said honestly.

She blinked, surprised. "Then why are you here?"

He gave a nod of his head and gestured toward the couch she had been using as a bed at night. "Will you sit?"

She would much rather have remained standing, but since this didn't appear to be an attempt at finding her a "suitable" match, she felt more willing to cooperate. So she sat.

Mrs. Darcy's son took a seat in the chair Milly had been using. It was too small for him, so he looked ridiculous in it. But he didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't care.

"I believe first impressions," he said, "Are very important. And when I saw you for the first time yesterday, I thought two things; that you were very beautiful and also very pained. And you mentioned your family wanting you to forget something."

Alice stood from the couch. "I don't wish to discuss this."

"Alice, please," said the young man, putting out his hand, motioning for her to sit down. "I know you're not interested in courtship, but maybe you'd like a friend. We can discuss whatever you'd like."

She sat down again, fighting back a mix of emotions. The pain of losing Cyrus was welling up again. She wanted to run from this house and from these people. But she had nowhere to go. And at the moment, his company seemed preferable to her family's. He at least seemed sincere in his desire to get to know her. But there was nothing she wished to talk about. And she was sure once he really got to know her, he'd turn on her just like everyone else.

"Are you unhappy here?" he asked.

"I-" She imagined she was not doing a good job of holding her emotions in. "Is it that obvious?"

"You lost someone," he said. "Someone you loved."

She stared at him. "How would you know?"

"I lost my father a few years ago. I understand that kind of pain when I see it."

She turned away from him, trying to stop the tears from spilling into her eyes. She had to hold herself together. But what was the point? Where would this conversation end? And if she managed to keep things polite and civil, wouldn't he just come back tomorrow bothering her with conversation she didn't wish for? And when the doctor from the madhouse came for her, what it would matter anyway? Why did she even continue to play this game?

Alice slowly turned to look at him. "What would you say if I told you about a talking cat?"

The young man looked at her. "I'm sorry?"

"Or how about a white rabbit that can dig portals between different worlds?" Alice was leaning toward him now. "There's this fantastic world called Wonderland that has a hookah smoking caterpillar and mushrooms that make you grow in size if you eat them." She slowly rose from the couch. "I've been there, and I met a genie named Cyrus, and we went on all sorts of adventures, battling pirates, swimming with mermaids, and we fell in love. And he asked me to marry him and then the Red Queen killed him." She was walking toward him now. "And everyone thinks I'm making it all up for attention and that I need to forget all of it and grow up. But it was real, and all I want now is to be left alone so I can grieve for him in peace!"

He blinked at her several times. And then he let out a nervous laugh, and then another one.

"Get out," Alice snarled at him, her face only a foot from his. She spun around and walked back to the couch.

"Alice," he said, standing. "I didn't mean-"

"Get out!" she said again. "I don't want to talk to you, or be friends, or lovers, or whatever it was you hoped to gain from coming here! I'm off to the asylum Saturday morning so you've wasted your time anyway!"

He paused in the doorway, concern etched across his face. "The asylum," he whispered, as though such a fate was inconceivable to him. "Alice," he said slowly. "You may be many things … but mad you certainly are not."

Alice stared at him, puzzled.

He gave a quick bow. "I am truly sorry for any distress I have caused you."

And then he left.


	2. Acceptance

Sarah wasn't as pleased as Alice had expected she would be when she explained the next morning that she wished another meeting with Mrs. Darcy's son.

"Well, I don't know if he'd wish to receive you after that send off you gave him last afternoon," she said. "Besides, I thought you weren't interested in meeting with any young men."

"Perhaps I've change my mind," said Alice, unable to keep the cold from her voice.

There was a silence around the breakfast table, but at last Sarah said, "I shall see what arrangements, if any, can be made."

The young man was willing to receive her that same afternoon. His home was close enough to walk to and the weather was fair. Alice would have been far too happy for the solitude, but Sarah insisted on accompanying her.

She spent the beginning of the walk explaining to Alice how lucky she was that young Mr. Darcy seemed so eager to receive her and a majority of the rest of walk schooling her on how to behave properly in the company of a young man, as though she didn't know. Alice had been in Wonderland a long time, but she understood the rules of her society … she just didn't particularly care for them, especially while in wonderland she'd been free of such restrictions.

She did her best to nod and not show her annoyance, but her pace was quick. She was eager to have this walk over with.

"Really, Alice!" Sarah grabbed her arm, pulling her to a stop. "You must stop this impetuousness. It is most unbecoming in a young woman. No young man is ever going to want to marry you."

Alice wanted to yell at her. She wasn't interested in marriage. And Cyrus hadn't been troubled by her "quick temper and free nature," as she'd heard Sarah express it to her father. Cyrus had loved her fire and her thirst for adventure. He knew what it was like to be trapped in a life you didn't want, just as she did. It's what had made them such a good match. He'd had no problem in asking her to marry him.

"Young Mr. Darcy didn't seem put off," she retorted, pushing back her thoughts of Cyrus and Wonderland.

"I imagine he's a bit desperate, dear," said Sarah, releasing Alice's arm and continuing their walk at a pace appropriate for a lady. "His employment isn't particularly lucrative nor his features particularly dashing, and you may have noticed he is slightly short in stature. I dare say you're taller than him. He should know that his chances of finding a wife are slimmer than most other men, and he therefore cannot afford to be picky. He may put up with your free will for a while, but if you continue to act like a child he may decide marrying you is not worth the risk to his reputation."

Alice kept herself focused on looking at the trail ahead, ignoring Sarah's words as best she could.

"Slow down, Alice."

Alice did as Sarah instructed.

"And keep your chin up."

Alice lifted her chin with a barely concealed annoyed sigh.

"That's a good girl," said Sarah.

At last they reached the Darcy home, which was larger than Alice had expected, though not too much larger than her father's home. It appeared to be quite the spacious and pleasant-looking cottage.

Sarah knocked on the door and a slender, kind looking woman with brown hair and dark eyes answered.

"Good afternoon, Elizabeth," said Sarah. "I've brought Alice along for tea with you and young William."

Mrs. Darcy turned her gaze from Sarah and smiled at Alice. "It's a pleasure to have you, dear."

Sarah left them, promising she'd be by later to walk Alice home. Mrs. Darcy ushered Alice into the tea room where her son was already sipping a cup by the window.

"William," said Mrs. Darcy. "Alice has arrived to see you."

He turned and smiled at her. "Hello, Alice."

Alice managed a small smile. "Hello, William." She made her way into the room as he put down his cup and set to pouring her one.

"If it's what you wish, Alice," said Mrs. Darcy. "I'd be quite comfortable leaving the two of you alone."

Alice looked uncertainly between Mrs. Darcy and her son.

"You'll find," said William. "That like yourself my mother doesn't care much for the rules of our society. And I told her you were more independent than most."

"It's a trait that is rather admired in our family," said Mrs. Darcy with a smile.

Alice smiled weakly, feeling for the first time since she'd arrived home that someone finally understood her, at least a little.

"Thank you," she said, and Mrs. Darcy left the room.

Alice took a seat as William sat down across from her.

"I was rather surprised you wanted to see me again," he said, refilling his cup.

"You said you didn't think I was mad," she admitted, not bothering with the tea. "Why?" The question had bothered her all morning and the night before.

"Well, because you're not," he said as though it were obvious.

"So," said Alice slowly. "You believe me about Wonderland?"

He dropped a cube of sugar into his cup and stirred. "I believe that you believe about Wonderland."

His answer hurt her more than she had expected it would. She hadn't realized until that moment how hopeful she had been that someone might actually believe her.

"I did not mean those words as an affront," he said, her emotion apparently having showed on her face. "While I may not believe in talking cats or rabbits that can dig portals between worlds, I do believe that Cyrus was a real person whom you loved very much and lost. I must admit that I do not believe him to have been a genie, but-"

"You think I'm making it all up," she said, more hurt than she cared to admit to herself.

"No, Alice," he said, lowering the cup he had raised to his lips. "Let me explain ... A great man once said that we use fantasy to aid us in dealing with our troubles in the real world. I believe that you have gone on a number of great adventures in some capacity and that you have lost someone you held most dear. And that you are simply applying your great and ingenious imagination to put your pain in a capacity that is easier for you to deal with. That does not make you mad, or a liar, or a child. It simply means that you have suffered and are dealing with it as best you can."

Tears rolled down Alice's face. In a way, William's words were more comforting than if he'd said he believed Wonderland to be real.

How young had she been when she'd fallen down that rabbit hole for the first time? How lonely had she been feeling that day? And then she'd found Wonderland and it had turned her world upside down, and she'd been happy for a time. How often had she returned and stayed in Wonderland in order to escape the home of her father? She _had _used Wonderland to deal with what had been too hard for her to face in her reality.

But Wonderland no longer held any promise for her. It was reality she would have face to face. And while unwelcomed by her new family, William and his mother seemed to understand her on a level no one had even bothered to try to understand her on since her mother died.

"Alice?" asked William. "Are you all right?"

She couldn't contain herself, she simply couldn't. A lifetime of pain welled up inside her, and she couldn't keep it from coming out. The tears flowed fast and hot, and the sobs came. She put her face in her hands and then her head against the table.

"Alice?" came William's voice, full of concern. "Alice?" She felt his hand on her arm. "Did I say something?"


	3. Fairytales

William and Mrs. Darcy led Alice to the sitting room once she had calmed down. She apologized profusely for making such a scene, but neither of them seemed to mind.

"Are they … treating you well at home?" asked William hesitantly.

"It's…" Alice also hesitated. "As well as can be expected, I suppose."

It was not as she had thought it would be, but she realized now she'd been a fool. She had thought her father would have been glad to see her, that he would have welcomed her back with open arms. But she'd been gone for so long, to the point where she didn't exactly know how many years it had been. It had never crossed her mind that her father would move on and start a new life without her.

Part of her was angry at him for the whole thing, but then, hadn't she run away and left him without a word? And once she'd met Cyrus and they'd fallen in love, hadn't she held no intention of ever returning home again? Was it not selfish of her to have expected a warm homecoming? And he had never believed her about Wonderland. How could she have thought this time would be any different?

But it didn't change the fact that she was in pain. And all of it only hurt more that her father thought she was making it all up and that he expected her to bury something so personal that she couldn't possibly leave behind her. Wonderland had been her life, Cyrus had been her love, and it was painful for her father to deny either of them.

At least her father loved her, however little faith in her he might have. She sometimes felt Sarah only saw her as an intrusion into her picture perfectly family and would be only too overjoyed to see Alice gone from it again. Though, at other times, she thought she was being too hard on her stepmother, that she really was just trying to help someone who she saw as a very troubled girl.

Still, home was often a frustrating place for Alice. She wanted and needed her family's love and acceptance. And it was there, in small hints - Milly's laughing voice, her father's smile, even Sarah's efforts to make her a "proper" lady. But none of them believed her, and all of them expected her to move forward on their schedule, which she couldn't possibly keep.

It was painful. But it was, after taking both sides into consideration, going as well as could be expected.

William directed her into a comfy armchair, and Mrs. Darcy placed a cup of tea into her hand. Alice had yet to drink any, and she swallowed this cup all at once - most unladylike, not that either of them amonished her for it. The heat of the drink dropped down her throat, filling the whole center of her, offering some comfort.

Once she'd gathered her thoughts, she realized Mrs. Darcy was directing her attention to the bookshelves lining the walls. Alice had never seen such an extensive home library before. The Darcy's seemed to have collected all the great works of the age. There were shelves dedicated to the sciences and philosophy. Next to those was a section devoted to nature writing. As Alice continued glancing down the wall, she found a fine selection of Gothic tales and fantastic literature. There was poetry too, and shelves dedicated to Dickens and other fine writers of the day. And then, fixed front and center in the middle of it all, right against the main widow of the room as though to suggest the best spot for reading, was a whole bookcase dedicated to children's literature and fairytales.

"Folktales are valued quite highly in our house," said Mrs. Darcy proudly.

William smiled. "Mother would read to me every night as a child," he explained. "Arabian nights, Red Riding Hood, Cinderella … those tales were such a joy to me as a little one. And when father died they became even more valuable."

Mrs. Darcy smiled sadly at her son, who also smiled back at her. Alice wanted to inquire as to the passing of Mr. Darcy, but she felt she'd be intruding on some private moment and held her tongue.

"William tells me you have some thrilling tales of your own," said Mrs. Darcy, at last.

"Oh!" said Alice, looking to William in surprise. She hadn't thought he'd share what she had told him with his mother. "Well, I …" She'd only ever been told her stories of Wonderland were crazy and that she shouldn't speak of them. The thought that someone actually wanted to hear them unsettled her.

"It's all right," William encouraged. "You won't find any mocking glances here."

Mrs. Darcy leaned forward and placed a hand on her knee. "Why don't you tell us, dear, about Wonderland?"

Alice was hesitant at first. But she was soon telling them the tale of her first adventure down the rabbit hole, her mishaps with the various forms of food that changed her size, the Cheshire Cat, the Mad Hatter and his tea party, her game of croquet with the Queen of Hearts, and the odd trial proceedings with the Knave of Hearts. Mrs. Darcy and her son were a fantastic audience, laughing and growing rapt with attention at all the right moments. When she had concluded her story, they both clapped and cheered.

"Oh, Alice!" cried Mrs. Darcy. "You should become a novelist!"

Alice smiled. She was rather enjoying herself. "A most unbecoming profession for a woman of this age," she said, in the best impression she could do of her stepmother.

"Exactly," said Mrs. Darcy, beaming.


	4. Proposal

Alice decided not to attend the asylum. While her father and stepmother both seemed happy at her decision, she thought she sensed some reservation from them. Not taking up residence in the madhouse meant she'd be spending an undetermined amount of time at home and posing an uncertain risk to Milly.

Alice didn't think they had too much to worry about, though. Mrs. Darcy and William were proving to be quite the outlet for her frustration and grief. Whenever she felt she couldn't hold it all in any longer, she'd visit the Darcy residence. With the Darcys, Wonderland was a fantastic adventure, her grief over Cyrus was real, and she could take all the time she needed to come to terms with the life she had left behind.

They didn't tell her to stop the nonsense when she spoke about Wonderland. They didn't remind her of her social obligations to find a husband now that she had come of age. And when she yearned for solitude to grieve for Cyrus in peace, they gave her space and she didn't have to fear them hearing her sobs and telling her she was acting like a child.

She was becoming fast friends with Mrs. Darcy, who encouraged her in all manner of breaking the rules society held for women. She even insisted Alice call her Elizabeth, but Alice didn't dare for fear she'd slip in front of Sarah.

She at first wondered at how Sarah could have befriend such a free willed woman as Mrs. Darcy, but she soon learned Mrs. Darcy had discovered the perfect balance between when she could act as she pleased and when society demanded she comply with its rules, and yet somehow in either situation she never stopped being herself.

Alice was amazed and jealous of her grace, and as she learned more about him, he found that William was jealous too. Although he wished to be as free spirited as his mother, Alice had caught him at times struggling with the expectations of society. His job in town demanded a certain sense of propriety from him, and he had once remarked that he thought his mother had it easier than him, women being less in the public eye.

"I believe your mother is extraordinarily gifted." Alice told him. "For I find it every bit as much as a struggle as you."

This, of course, sent him into a stream of apologies, but Alice waved him off. She didn't mind really, it was nice to have someone she could relate to, who struggled as she did.

She was beginning to become rather fond of William. He had a bright, cheerful voice that rang in even in the most serious or gloomiest topics. And she thought she saw some of Cyrus in his face. Although William's features were less pronounced than her genie's, his face was of a similar shape and his brown eyes the same color, though they lacked Cyrus' depth. While Cyrus's hair flowed freely, William combed his to the side and sometimes slicked it down. But the similarities were there.

She'd found it a little unsettling at first. But she'd slowly come to find it comforting, the idea that there was some piece of Cyrus left, that the Boiling Sea hadn't swallowed all trace of him. And William did share of his spirit, his constant encouragement of her, his comforting presence when she was moved to grief or doubt, and his own struggle against the confines of the world around. He was a fighter, he just hadn't been fighting a long as Cyrus had. One day, she imagined William would blossom, finding the grace of his mother and throwing off society's rules for his own identity. And she imagined when it happened he'd be quite the attractive man for the unconventional woman who desired such qualities.

The two of them formed a friendship. He would walk to her house to pick her up to visit him, and afterwards he would walk her back to her place. When she desired a change of scenery, he'd take her to the park. They would sit on a blanket under the large oak tree and watch the ducks on the lake. When her parents invited him to the house, he defended her in all manner of conversation.

"So, tell us, William," said Sarah one evening as the family dined together. "How are you and our dear Alice getting along?"

"Quite well, I think," said William, smiling at Alice. "I find her to be … quite the proper lady."

Alice smiled at him knowingly.

Despite her warm feelings toward William, she never anticipated that sunny afternoon on the walk to his house when he got down on one knee and held out a ring.

"What?" said Alice, completely taken aback.

"W-will you marry me?" William repeated.

Alice continued to stare, her mouth open.

"A-Alice, " William stuttered. "I-I know this isn't what you wanted-"

"This was a strictly platonic relationship!" said Alice, finding her voice. It came out high and accusatory. "We discussed this!"

"I-I know," said William, still on one knee and holding out the ring. "But your family has been persistent."

Alice stared at him. It shouldn't have surprised her that her parents had pressured him into this, but it did.

"You must realize that to others this has appeared as a rather intense courtship," he explained. "Our constant seeing of each other, the absence of chaperones-"

The picture was becoming clearer to Alice now. She imagined some of those exchanged smiles between the two of them could have been seen as flirtatious to those who didn't know better. And William's fearlessness at giving her an encouraging touch of his hand from time to time was near scandalous in this society. In being themselves in each other's company, they'd provided a picture of a steaming romance to prudent eyes.

"-When your father asked if I had intentions of marrying you," William continued. "I couldn't tell him no. He most certainly would have thought I was taking advantage of you. And once I'd told him yes-"

"It would be expected of you to ask me," Alice finished. She understood the position he was in. He'd had no choice but to ask her to marry him.

But now that he had presented the question, her response couldn't be more complicated. If she told him no, that would be the end of their "courtship." She would not be expected to see him again. And it would certainly be scandalous if she continued to see him anyway.

Telling him no meant she'd lose her only friend, left to the confines of her own home and the misunderstandings of her family. She didn't think she could bear the thought of losing the freedom William granted her, but to tell him yes…

"It wouldn't be so bad, Alice," he said."You'll be expected to marry eventually. Why not to a friend? We can carry on our relationship as it has been. It doesn't have to mean love."

"You're prepared to marry someone you'll never love?" she asked him.

"Well, I-" He looked taken aback, as though her words had struck him. He looked down at the ground, then back up at her. "I do love you, Alice. That is, I care for you deeply. I know your heart is with Cyrus. And I understand. But do you really believe your heart will remain buried forever? Don't you think, after a time, once you are ready, you could open yourself to love again? Maybe … even to me?"

Alice stared at him with tears in her eyes. This was too much too soon. It had only been a month since she'd come home! Leave it to her parents to fast track everything! Even with William, the one place where she had thought she was safe, she was now expected to pick herself up and leave Cyrus behind.

Her potential future fiancé and husband was still on the ground, waiting for her answer. She understood his intentions and even respected them. She had never thought anyone in this cold world could accept her for who she was, but William and his mother had proved her wrong. If ever she were to open her heart again, it made sense it would be with him. But Cyrus was still so much a part of her, and she wasn't ready to move on. And she had no way of knowing how long it would be until she was ready.

He'd had no choice but to ask her, and she had no choice but to answer.

"I cannot marry you," she told him.


	5. Asylum

Alice's parents were not happy when she returned and had to admit her refusal to William's proposal. She wasn't exactly happy about it herself. The ordeal caused enough of its own grief without adding itself to the various grievances Alice was already trying to deal with.

At first, her father had demanded she return to William and tell him she'd changed her mind, insisting that she would never find a more suitable match. For hours, she tried not to listen as her father and stepmother bemoaned her future and changes of marriage and reminded her of how lucky she had been in finding a young man like Darcy.

Their lecture didn't end at dinner, and they carried on until after curfew until at last Sarah insisted Alice take some time to sleep on the matter. She cried into her pillow that night, unsure if her tears were more for Cyrus or William, though both men were in her thoughts. Her parents were attentive the next morning, as though expecting her night of unrestful sleep to have gifted her with some form of sense. They were quite disappointed when they learned that it hadn't.

"What do you expect to happen now?" her father asked her that morning after breakfast. "What led you to reject him?"

"I don't love him," said Alice simply. "I wasn't ready."

"Alice," said her father, sitting beside her on the couch. "You must set aside your feelings and think of what society holds for you."

Alice turned her head to look at him.

"You've disappeared for years at time," he explained slowly. "What kind of rumors do you think have traveled around town? Your prospects of finding a willing husband are slim."

"Why must I be expected to find a husband so soon?" Alice demanded of him, gesturing angrily with her arms. "Are you so quick to be rid of me?"

"Alice," said her father, placing his hands on her shoulders to steady of her. "You are of age. To postpone your courtship is to doom your future. The older you grow, the smaller your chances of finding a husband to care for you become."

Alice sighed angrily. She didn't want a husband. She wanted space and time to grieve for Cyrus. And she wanted the acceptance of her family. The rest she didn't care about. Never marrying and dying an old maid held no terror for her.

Her father turned her cheek so she was looking at him. "You know I love you, Alice. Don't you?"

She nodded. She did know it, even if most of the time she didn't feel it.

"Then you must know," he continued. "That what I do, I do out of love. It would be irresponsible of me as a father not to secure your future."

"I just need more time," Alice pleaded with him.

"How much time do you think you need?" he asked, sounding astonished, as though he wouldn't be happy with whatever answer she gave him.

"I don't know," she admitted. "It's not as easy as choosing to bury away your love for someone."

"This is about the genie still," he said plainly. He stood from the couch and walked away from her. Halfway across the room, he turned to face her. "Alice, you must stop this nonsense."

"It's not nonsense!" She yelled, standing up. "It was real! It happened!"

"Alice, stop!" He stepped forward and took her hands.

"Why won't you believe me?" she asked softly, a tear rolling down her cheek. William had believed her. Mrs. Darcy hadn't called her stories nonsense. Why couldn't she get that kind of acceptance from her father?

"Because it's a child's pretend, Alice," he told her. "I know I wasn't there for you while you were growing up, and I'm sorry for that. But you have to let it go. You can't let it ruin your life."

Alice took her hands from his and sat down again. "You just don't understand …"

"You need help, Alice," said her father. "You need to move your life forward."

* * *

She told Milly goodbye, and then she stood in the foyer waiting for the carriage to arrive that would take her to asylum. She hadn't expected William would appear.

He had a terrified look on his face. "Tell me it's not true, Alice," he said as he came through the door.

She shook her head. "I don't have anywhere else to go," she told him.

"But Alice," he said. "The asylum …" He couldn't finish his sentence.

"It's my choice," she said. "It's my best option."

"You cannot believe that."

"What would you have me do?" she yelled at him. "I can't stay here!"

"You can stay with me," he said, taking her hand. "We'll take of you."

"William …" She turned her face from him. There was no point in carrying on this conversation. She'd explained herself before. She couldn't marry him.

"Alice," he said, gently lifting her chin so she was looking at him. "Please."

She shook her head. "I can't.

They stared at each other, without words. Everything there was to say had already been said.

At first, as William moved from his position, Alice thought he was moving to leave. But then she realized he had stepped toward her, and before she could react, his lips were on hers.

Looking back, she would determine he had kissed her as a last desperate effort to change her mind, not as a moment of passion. But regardless of his reasons or her thoughts on them, a warmth generated from that moment when their lips met that she hadn't felt since Cyrus.

She did not push him away. She might have even pressed her lips back against his. She wasn't sure. Forever after, the moment was a haze in her memory. She couldn't be certain of her actions or thoughts. The only thing she knew for sure was that she wiped away a tear from her cheek when he stepped back from her.

"I'll be here. Alice," he told her. "When you come back, I'll be here."


	6. Mrs Darcy

Alice lifted her head from the bed as the attendant entered. He waved his arm as a gesture for her to get up.

"Where are we going?" Alice asked.

"You have a visitor," he said.

Though she was displeased, she didn't argue. It didn't do well to irritate the attendants here, as she had quickly learned. Order was kept as the highest regulation, and those who disrupted it were quickly subdued.

Her neighbor across the hall – Alice had no idea what was wrong with her – had started a screaming fit in the middle of the night. When the attendants couldn't calm her, they put her in a comatose state. She hadn't said a word in three days, and Alice had no idea how long it would be before she spoke again, if she ever would.

Alice didn't want that fate for herself. She would be obedient. She would be submissive. This was not Wonderland, and this was not her father's house. Fighting back in this place meant losing herself, not the other way around.

The attendant led her out of the facility into the courtyard where patients were sometimes let out, either as part of their treatment, or as a reward for good behavior, or if they had visitors.

Alice had been at the Asylum for a little over a month. She hadn't seen the outside since her first few days. She was not progressing in her treatment and so the outside world was withheld from her as an incentive for her to try harder. But Alice hardly cared.

More time in her cell meant more time to herself where she could mourn for Cyrus in peace. She had wanted but had been unable to withdraw into herself since her homecoming. But here, in this place, no one bothered her, except during treatment sessions. She had all the time to herself she could possibly want, and she was not very happy at whoever had come to disrupt that peace.

The attendant pointed ahead of him and released Alice's arm. "You have thirty minutes."

It was sunny, and Alice had to shield her eyes from the light. Because of this, she couldn't make out who it was the attendant had pointed at. But as she walked forward, a silhouette appeared and Alice lowered her hand.

It wasn't her father. It wasn't even William.

"Hello, Alice," said Mrs. Darcy. She held out her arms.

Stunned, Alice didn't know what to do. But it didn't matter because Mrs. Darcy stepped forward and embraced her.

Alice did not return the gesture. "What are you doing here?"

"Well," she said, taking a step back. "You may have forbidden your father and my son from visiting you, but you gave no such request to me."

"I don't want you to visit me ever again," said Alice quickly.

Mrs. Darcy put her hands on her hips. "Have I angered you in some way, dear?"

"Yes," said Alice sternly.

"Well, I'm afraid you'll just have to move passed it."

It was so easy for Alice to forget that Mrs. Darcy was a woman after her own heart. If Alice was stubborn, Mrs. Darcy could be stubborn right back. The older woman understood her better than Alice sometimes understood herself. Alice couldn't fight with her in the same way she might fight with someone else. With Mrs. Darcy, it was like arguing with her own reflection.

"Why are you here?" Alice asked again, more calmly.

"To check on you," she said sincerely.

"And to talk me into leaving with you?"

Mrs. Darcy shook her head. "I can't make you leave, Alice. Only you can decide that. But I do question your decision to come here."

"There is nowhere else for me," Alice told her.

"We both know that's not true," Mrs. Darcy said.

"There's nothing left for me in Wonderland!" Alice said, unable to keep the distress from her voice. She was tired of having this conversation. All the same, she tried to keep her voice down so the attendant didn't hear.

"And here?" asked Mrs. Darcy. "Is there nothing left for you here? In this world?"

Alice remained silent. She had Mrs. Darcy and William. She knew that was a choice she could make. It was even a choice part of her believed wouldn't be bad to make. But she could not let go of Cyrus so easily.

"My dear," said Mrs. Darcy, stepping close to her. "I lost the man who was the love of my life as well. I know the pain you are going through."

In spite of herself, Alice felt a tear roll down her cheek.

Mrs. Darcy put her arms around Alice, pulling the young woman toward her. And this time, Alice hugged her back, clinging to her the way a small child clings to her mother.

"I know you feel like the world has ended," Mrs. Darcy continued. "But it hasn't. It continues on. And it will continue on without you, if you let it."

She let go of the young woman in her arms, and Alice wished she hadn't. Mrs. Darcy took Alice's face into her hands.

"Don't lose yourself in here," she said. "You have much too precious a spirit to let it go to waste."

"What if I can't do it?" asked Alice, tears falling from her eyes. "What I can't move on as the world does?"

"You can," said Mrs. Darcy confidently, removing her hands from Alice's face. "You're a fighter, like me." She grasped Alice's hand in one of her own. "Don't forget who you are."

Alice waited till she was back in her cell to open her hand to find Mrs. Darcy had dropped the fragment of a black ribbon into her hand. The ribbon was over half an inch thick and nearly two inches long. The ends were frayed, as though they had been cut.

In the proceeding days, Alice would take out the ribbon from her pocket and rub it between her fingers. She had told William and his mother of her outfit on her first visit to Wonderland – the blue dress and the black ribbon in her hair.

She could only imagine Mrs. Darcy had given her the ribbon to remind her of that little girl, the one who'd braved the mysteries of Wonderland and had stood up to the Queen of Hearts. But she was not that little girl anymore. So much had happened since then that her adventures as a small child felt like they had been another life or had happened to another person.

Mrs. Darcy had called her a fighter, and Alice didn't deny she had a lot of fight in her. But what did that amount to? So what if she could be stubborn or willful or all those other unladylike things. If she really were a fighter, would she have chosen this place? Would she have given up on a normal life to accept one staring at four bare walls?

Maybe she was tired of fighting. Maybe giving herself into the despair she felt was just easier. Maybe after all the fighting she'd done, she'd simply worn herself out.

Comparing herself now to the little girl – it was near impossible to see either one in the other.

_Who am I? _Alice thought, looking to the far corners of her cell. _Who am I, really?_


	7. Doubt

Alice sat in a chair in front of a sleek metal table. Dr. Lydgate paced back and forth behind it, gesturing with his hands. Alice had sat here many times in the past few months. Sometimes, Dr. Lydgate would sit at the table and listen while Alice told him stories about Wonderland. Sometimes he'd asked her questions - about her family, friends, what life was like as she grew up.

Sometimes Dr. Lydgate would tell her about other patients like her, ones that had "invented" different worlds but had eventually overcome their dementia. This time, he gave her his interpretation of her Wonderland.

"The rabbit," he said, "with the white coat and the watch - probably modeled after your father. He spent most of your childhood mourning your mother, perpetually late for the young girl who was growing up unnoticed before his eyes."

He glanced at Alice to gauge her reaction. She gave him none.

"The rabbit led you to this Wonderland," he continued. "Perhaps much in the same way you wished your father would lead you through your life."

Alice kept staring straight ahead at the wall on the far side of the room, not really seeing it. She kept her face blank, but she could not tune out the doctor's words.

"The various Wonderland queens," said Dr. Lydgate slowly. "Probably various projections of your mother - the eternal goodness you have immortalized her as having, the anger and hatred you sometimes feel for her having left you all alone - is this making sense to you, Alice?"

A tear rolled down her face. She might not agree with his assessment of Wonderland being directly related to her troubled childhood, but he was pegging her childhood fears and insecurities well.

"The Knave of Hearts," he continued. "Possibility related to siblings you'd wanted to have. Naturally, you'd be protective as the big sister. The Caterpillar and the cat - people you wanted to meet, fears you wanted to overcome - don't you see, Alice?" He turned to her and placed his hands on the table. "Wonderland is only of your own imagination."

"Cyrus," Alice said simply. If the Kanve, the Queens, and the rabbit were all related to what she had wanted, then how did Cyrus factor into it? There was no possibility she could have made him up.

"You wanted to be loved, Alice," said the doctor. "Is that so hard to understand?" He lifted his hands from the table and resumed pacing. "It's interesting the boy died right after you had accepted a proposal of marriage. You'd spent so much time together on so many fantastic and dangerous adventures, and yet here at this crucial moment is when disaster strikes."

She looked up at him. She didn't understand what he was getting at.

"You come from a broken family, Alice," he said. "How perfect does the idea of marriage look to you?"

She turned her head, not wanting him to evaluate the emotions she was sure were showing on her face.

"Your genie offers you a proposal of marriage, and you accept," continued Lydgate. "And then he dies. It's the natural progression for you, Alice. It's what you fear, that such happiness must ultimately end because it happened to your father. For you, as a child, you saw marriage could only lead to heartache. And so, in your dream world, it becomes reality because it's the only option you think you have even if it's not what you want."

She couldn't stop the tears. She wanted to, but she couldn't. As much as she didn't want to admit it, Dr. Lydgate was right. In her limited experience, she had only ever seen true happiness end in grief. She had no examples in her life of blissfully married couples who hadn't lost their other half.

The doctor returned to the table. "You told your father there was nothing left for you in Wonderland," he said. "And yet you hold on to it. Why, Alice? It is only a projection, built on your fears. Why cling to it if it holds nothing for you?"

Alice hugged her waist and sobbed silently. When she thought of Wonderland, it only brought her pain. Part of her desperately wanted to forget all of it, to push it behind her so she wouldn't have to feel this way. But even so, it wasn't as simple as wiping it from her memory.

Dr. Lydgate walked around the table and behind Alice to the door where an attendant was waiting. "Take her back to her room," he said. "I think we've finally made some progress."

When she was back in her cell, the attendant handed her a small cup with her pills. Alice popped the pills into her mouth, tucked them behind her teeth and swallowed the water that was provided. Once the attendant was gone, Alice spit the pills out onto the floor and crushed them with her shoe, twisting her heel over and over until any residue blended in with the dirt.

She had taken the pills once. But they had clouded her head, making her mind feel light and empty. And it had been hard for her think straight. Once the effects had worn off, she'd been determined to never feel that way again.

She removed her boot, and dusted off the heel. Then she twisted the heel open to reveal the wishes she had gotten from Cyrus. She laid back on her pillow, turning the wishes in her hand as she held them in front of her face.

_It was real_, she told herself. _It was real. I'm not crazy._

But if she had dreamed up Wonderland, what was stopping her from dreaming up the wishes in her hand?

Alice sighed, and put the wishes away.

Dr. Lydgate had a point. If it was all in her head, or even if it wasn't, what exactly was she holding on to? If Wonderland held nothing for her, what was stopping her from living her life? What was it about loving Cyrus that had made her feel she'd had no choice but to come here?

She'd been so confident in her decision before, but now she couldn't remember how she'd been so sure. Even without the pills, with each day she spent here, she felt her thoughts grow less and less clear.


	8. Wonderland

William trudged through the underbrush of the forest. Twigs and vines tangled around his ankles, but he shook them off and kept going. He couldn't see his destination, but he believed he was headed in the right direction.

And then, at last, the trees grew sparser, revealing a beach upon which his target stood. She had a sword readied in her hand, and the look on her face was one of utter disbelief. But in that moment, she was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

"Alice!"

He ran toward her, his feet slipping in the soft sand, but eventually he reached her and embraced her. It had been so long - a full year since he'd seen her. How often had he wondered of her physical and mental state, if they were treating her well in that asylum? And yet here she was, looking at least healthy and - if the sword was any indication - still her fiery self. The asylum hadn't crushed her spirit.

He couldn't be more relieved or overjoyed to see her.

She didn't return his embrace, so he pulled back to look at her. She still seemed shocked to see him, too shocked perhaps to return a friendly greeting.

"What are you doing here?" she blurted out.

"It was Jafar," he admitted. "He came to London for your father."

William explained as quickly as he could. He and Alice's father had taken up regular tea times to discuss business and the goings on of society, but mostly just to be in the company of someone else who worried for Alice's safety, though neither of them voiced their concerns - Alice's father, because he was too proud, and William because he knew Edwin wouldn't wish to discuss it.

It was one such evening when Jafar arrived under the guise of an associate of Dr. Lydgate. He'd insisted he should discuss matters with Edwin in private. But then, when Alice's father said that William and Alice had once been engaged, Jafar's demeanor changed.

"I didn't trust him," William told Alice. "He seemed out of place."

Edwin, however, had been concerned for his daughter and did not question the strange man. Jafar had revealed to them the White Rabbit who took them to Wonderland, at which point Jafar explained that Alice needed rescuing and that he expected the two men to do it.

"That's when your father said he was sure he was the last person you'd want to see," William continued. "Jafar looked to me, but I mistrusted him too much to give him an answer. He grew hostile. He said he had hoped one of us had a bond with you." William pointed at the floating fortress in the sky. "He took us there and tied us up in some laboratory of his. He was going to do something to your father - I don't know what. That's when I told him you and I had a bond and that I could talk to you." He gestured toward the trees. "He told me to walk and put me in there. So, I walked till I found you."

Alice didn't say anything once he'd finished. The stunned look on her face she'd had when he'd hugged her remained. William worried this was one of those moments when he'd say too much.

"Then it's pointless," said a young man from behind Alice. William had been too focused on her to notice him. "We can't go up to the fortress. Jafar knows we're coming."

Alice turned to face him. "We stick to the plan," she said. "Father's up there now. That means we have two people to rescue."

"But, Alice," said the man. "Even if we get up there, if Jafar is waiting for us, the guards will have us and we'll be the ones who need rescuing."

"We stick to the plan," Alice repeated. "For now." She turned back around but didn't look at William. "I need to think." She walked passed him toward the trees.

William looked to the man for suggestions on what to do next, but he was watching Alice. At last, the man turned to him. "Well, as long as you're here," he said, pulling a knife from his pocket. "You can help."

The man sat on a rock, and William joined him. "I didn't get your name," he said.

The man shrugged. "Most people here just call me Knave."

"The Knave of Hearts?" said William, excited. He held out his hand, which the Knave shook. "Alice has told me a lot of about you. I'm William."

The Knave considered him for a moment. "Alice never mentioned you," he said once he had withdrawn his hand.

"Really?" said William, glancing to where Alice was pacing by the trees. "Well, I guess … we didn't know each other for very long. I … suppose she didn't find it worth mentioning." It was hard for him to tell himself he wasn't upset Alice had never mentioned him. How often had his thoughts been occupied by her? He hadn't thought she'd think the same of him, but he had at least thought them friends. And wasn't a friend worth mentioning to another?

William shook his head, trying to shake away his hurt feelings with it. He reached down and picked up a tree branch. "What are we doing?" he asked the Knave.

"We're building a basket," he said, trimming a few twigs from a branch with his knife. "So we can float up to the fortress and rescue Alice's father and Cyrus."

William snapped his head up. "Cyrus?" he said. "But he's dead."

"That's what we thought," said the Knave. "But he's alive. That's the whole reason Alice came back to Wonderland - to find him."

William felt like he'd had the wind knocked out of him. "Right," he breathed.

Cyrus was alive. He could hardly believe it. But in addition to that, the knowledge of Cyrus' existence stirred up emotions within him that he was too afraid to admit, even to himself. He tried to push them down and out of his mind.

His feelings for Alice must have been too clear because the Knave asked. "Is this going to be a problem?"

"No," said William quickly. "I just -" He looked up at Alice and his eyes lingered on her for a while before he turned back to the Knave. "Alice deserves a happy ending," he said. "And if that means reuniting her with Cyrus, then I'm happy to help." He meant every word.

"Good," said the Knave. He nodded at the branches. "Then start cutting."

William set to work trimming the branches and cutting them to the proper size. He tried to lose himself in the work, but his pride still stung.


	9. Complicated

She hadn't believed it when the Knave showed up at her cell. He was a hallucination of her mind, come to taunt her now that she was about to undergo the procedure that would rid her of him forever. But then he told her Cyrus was alive and something inside her fell into place. Filled with hope and purpose, she'd joined him and ran from her cell.

But it was only when she saw Dr. Lydgate jump at the sight of the White Rabbit that she knew it wasn't all in her head, that she had been right all along. Her confidence returned and she was her old self again, off on another grand adventure in Wonderland, off to save the man she loved.

Things were never easy in Wonderland, and this time was no exception. She had not only the Red Queen to concern herself with but also Jafar, a sorcerer who was determined to make her spend her wishes so he could have Cyrus as his own.

Alice had vowed never to use those wishes, but Jafar had made her spend one to save the Knave's life. And in that moment she had given him a powerful weapon: the knowledge that while she wouldn't use a wish to save herself, she couldn't stand aside and not act while a friend's life was in danger. She had two wishes left, and when William arrived in Wonderland with the news that Jafar held her father captive, she got a terrible feeling in her stomach.

She needed space to think, so she'd excused herself from William and the Knave. She walked across the beach to the trees and paced back and forth, taking deep breaths.

The first issue was the knowledge that Jafar had brought William and her father to Wonderland in order to make her spend her last two wishes. That was clear, but she also didn't know how to deal with it. Whether her father was with her or Jafar, he could always been used against her. The same went for William. The more logical option would be to let William fend for his own, to have the party separate so he would be away from her and Jafar couldn't use him against her. But she couldn't allow him to wander Wonderland by himself. He'd be killed.

No, he'd have to stay with her until they found a way home. That was best. Which meant she had to rescue her father as well, if only to prevent Jafar from doing terrible things to him. But she wasn't sure she liked the idea of her father traveling with them. She didn't think she could forgive him for everything he'd done. And yet she felt it was something she'd have to do if he was going to be with them.

And then there was rescuing Cyrus. She was so close, but to have him with her father and William … It added a strange dynamic to the party that she wasn't sure she wanted to face.

Everything had just gotten very complicated.

That's when she noticed the Knave coming toward her with two nearly complete panels of the basket and some rope they had twisted from vines. He sat the panels in front of her and handed her a few lengths of the rope. "Want to help me tie these off?"

She nodded, grateful for the distraction from her thoughts, and took the rope from him. She set herself to tying the branches together as tightly as possible. "What were you and William talking about?" she asked.

"You," said the Knave honestly. "He said he wants to help reunite you with Cyrus."

Alice nodded. "He's a good man," she said, but she felt uneasy about the whole thing.

"How come you never mentioned him, Alice?" asked the Knave. "An engagement seems pretty serious."

"We weren't engaged," said Alice, not looking at him, continuing to tie the branches. "He proposed. I turned him down."

"Still sounds pretty serious," he said.

"It wasn't like that," said Alice quickly, this time looking at him. "He believed in me. He was the only person I had who did. We were friends, good friends. But that's all it was." And yet that kiss replayed in her head, and she couldn't help but wonder for the hundredth time if she wasn't being completely honest with herself.

"Okay," said the Knave. "That's all it was. But if he was so good to you, how come you never mentioned him?"

"How come you never mentioned Anastasia?" Alice retorted angrily. She was tired of this questioning.

But the Knave seemed unfazed. "That's not the same."

"Isn't it?"

The Knaved fix her with a look that seemed to say, "You tell me."

Alice sighed in frustration. "He loved me, and I broke his heart," she said. "He's a good man. He didn't deserve that." She turned to look at the Knave directly. "I could have married him. I could have. It made sense."

"Well, you've never been known to take the most sensible route."

"But I cared for him," Alice continued, ignoring his statement. "I did. I -" She looked over at William who was sitting with his back to her on the rock, still trimming branches. "We were friends," she repeated. "Good friends. But it could have been …" It maybe even had been. "Something more."

She sighed and forced down the tears she could feel bubbling up. Her heart always seemed to break whenever she thought of how she'd turned William down. She didn't know if it was because she felt bad for hurting his feelings or if she regretted turning down the life she'd imagined they could have had or if she had felt more toward him than she had realized. Each one was a possibility and none of them were clear to her. But regardless of her confusion, there was always one thing she was sure of: "I just couldn't get passed Cyrus," she said.

Her heart seemed to mend at the thought of him. She would find Cyrus, and they would build a happy life. And at the end of the day, that was all she needed to know.

"So you never mentioned him because -"

"It would have been inappropriate," she said. As long as she had Cyrus, there wasn't room in her heart for William, as harsh as it seemed. She couldn't care for them both. She couldn't live her life in conflict. That's why she'd chosen the asylum over marrying him. That's why she'd told him not to visit her. That's why even now, as glad as she was to see him, she wished he wasn't here. He complicated things, and she didn't like complications.

"Have you thought of how you might deal with -?"

"We're finding Cyrus," said Alice confidently. "And then we're going home." That was all there was to consider. In the long run, nothing else really mattered. Nothing but Cyrus.


	10. Bravado

"What's that?" asked Alice, shielding her eyes as she looked into the sky. There was something big and black headed toward them from the direction of the floating fortress. She could hardly believe the sight, but it almost looked like a dragon.

Alice covered her eyes as the thing coming toward them let out a terrible shriek.

"Alice!" yelled the Knave, grabbing one of the panels they had made and ducking behind it.

Alice did the same as the big black thing flew overhead and blew fire on them. The panels crackled and turned hot but kept them shielded.

Definitely a dragon.

As it circled around for another attack, Alice dropped the panel. She looked over at William, who had stood from his rock and was now staring up into the sky. She shouted at him, he turned to look at her, and she gestured for him to follow as she and the Knave ran for the woods.

"You realize this is Jafar's doing, don't you?" asked the Knave as Alice ran beside him.

"Why would that be?" asked William as he caught up.

"Because he knows we're here! You saw the direction that thing came from! He must have sent it!"

"But why?" insisted William.

"To get you in a situation where Alice has to use one of her wishes to save your life!"

"Less talking, more running!" yelled Alice.

They came to a clearing and paused to catch their breath.

"Did we lose it?" asked William.

"Not even close," said Alice who could hear the flapping wings coming near. She cast her eyes around, looking for something they could use. But the only detail she noticed was the fact that the clearing would make them easier for the dragon to spot. They couldn't out run the dragon for forever, but they couldn't stay here either. They had to keep moving.

"Come on," she said, grabbing the hands of both men. She only let go when they had matched pace with her.

"Is it true?" asked William.

"Is what true?" Alice asked, frustrated the boys didn't seem to understand that running away from the dragon chasing them was the only important issue right now.

"That Jafar wants you to use one of your wishes to save my life?"

"It's what he did last time," said Alice simply. Trees, trees, trees. That's all she saw. There was nothing they could use. But at least the trees kept them covered and made it difficult for the dragon to land. If they could just find some form of shelter or somewhere to hide that might prevent the dragon from smelling them…

"She already used one of her wishes to save my life," she heard the Knave yell to William.

Suddenly, William stopped running. He turned to look behind him, back the way they had come.

Alice came to a stop as well. "William, come on. We have to keep moving."

He shook his head. "If it's after me, I won't let you risk Cyrus on my account."

"William," she said, growing ever more frustrated as she heard the wings coming closer. "We can't fight it. We have to move."

He stepped toward her, and Alice thought he might break out into a run again. But instead he pushed her aside so he could grab the sword from her waist and pull it from her belt. Then he turned and went running up the path back toward the dragon.

"William, no!" Alice screamed.

She tried to run after him, but the Knave grabbed her from behind. "Alice, let him go, it's his choice."

"I will hurt you!" Alice yelled, and the Knave released her.

She ran up the path, calling after William, but it was useless. The wings were no longer coming closer. It seemed like William really was drawing it away.

At last, she made it back to the clearing where she found the dragon had landed. It was covered in black scales and thorns, and as it roared she saw its mouth was full of pointed yellow teeth. William stood in front of it holding out the sword.

"William, run!" Alice yelled at him.

He turned back to look at her, and the dragon lunged. Alice closed her eyes, knowing there was no wish she could make quickly enough save William's life.

The dragon made a screaming sound, and Alice opened her eyes again. At first she was horror struck to see William within its mouth, but then she noticed he still had both feet planted firmly on the ground. He was leaning inside the dragon's mouth because he had run the sword through the roof of the mouth and into the dragon's head.

The dragon wobbled, and William withdrew the sword as the dragon toppled over. He clutched his right shoulder where the dragon's teeth had grazed against his skin, drawing blood.

Alice ripped off a length of fabric from her skirt and ran forward to tie it around William's wound. "Are you all right?"

"Yes," he said. He winced as Alice tied the bandage tightly. "I'll be fine."

Once the bandage was secure, Alice grabbed him by both arms. "Don't you _ever_ do that again! Do you understand me? Never!"

William nodded quickly, shocked by her vehemence.

"Promise!" she shouted.

"I promise," he said quickly.

Alice pulled him toward her and hugged him. Tears came to her eyes. She wouldn't let her emotion overcome her, but she was so relieved she could have sobbed.


	11. Friends

"Welcome to Wonderland," said the Knave as William took a bite of the dragon meat they had roasted over a fire.

"I've been here nearly all day," said William. Night had fallen now and it was dark. They had spent the evening assessing the damage done by the dragon and gathering meat from it.

"Eating something that tried to kill you is sort of a Wonderland rite of passage," the Knave explained.

"Ah," said William. He held up his strip of meat. "Cheers, then." He took another bite of the bitter-sweet meat. It wasn't too bad. It didn't compare to roasted goose, but when you had nothing else to eat, it went down just fine.

The Knave was grinning at him. William was pleased at the thought that he may have made a friend. Alice, on the other hand, seemed pensive and withdrawn. She hadn't said much since the dragon attack.

"So what's the plan?" William asked her in an attempt to get her to talk.

"We'll get some more branches in the morning and try again," said Alice not looking at him.

"And if Jafar decides to send another one of his monsters at us?"

"We'll deal with it," she said simply.

William sighed. Her apparent indifference bothered him. Other than the encounter with the dragon, she had hardly acknowledged his existence. The woman who'd chased after him and embraced him seemed like a completely different person than the one sitting across from him now.

"I don't know why you pretend to care so much," he said bitterly.

She looked up at him. "What?"

"If you don't want me here, just say so," he told her.

She shook her head at him, confused.

"Before the dragon attack," he told her. "You didn't come anywhere near me. And since then, except for right now, you have refused to look at me. You forbade me from visiting you at the asylum, so I understand that you'd rather I was somewhere else. But you could at least do me the decency of saying so instead of avoiding me anytime my life isn't in immediate danger."

William looked out into the night, seeing nothing but wanting to vent his anger at something other than Alice's befuddled face. "I thought we were friends," he continued. "But friends don't refuse to speak to you for a whole year and then avoid you like the plague when you are finally reunited."

Alice stood and, when William turned to look at her, he could see her features were livid.

"Maybe I haven't been acting like a friend," she said. Her voice was wobbly yet firm, like it could explode at any moment. "But friends don't take someone else's pain and make it about themselves." Alice pointed at her chest. "I was in the asylum for a year. You have no idea what I went through in there. And finally I'm here, and I am trying to save the only piece of me I had left. And you do _not_ get to tell me how ignorant I am for having suffered!"

William watched her storm off into the night. His anger had dissipated now, and he felt like a complete idiot.

"Should she be on her own?" he asked the Knave, worried for Alice's safety at this time of night. He could only image the kind of creatures that could be lurking in this place.

"No," said the Knave slowly, looking into the darkness at Alice's fading silhouette. He waited a minute before turning to William. "Wait here."

William nodded. He didn't need telling twice. If he'd been wrong before, he was certainly correct now that Alice wanted nothing to do with him.

* * *

Alice walked to the edge of the beach and then began climbing the path up the cliff face. She wasn't really paying much attention to where she was going, just following where her feet carried her.

Memories of the asylum were always ones she didn't want to dwell on. But this time, when they came to her mind, she realized she hadn't needed to go through that terrible place on her own. Her father hadn't believed her, but William and his mother had. And yet she had treated all of them as unwelcome. She realized now how unfair of her that had been.

Still, the memories of the asylum and of her grief hurt. And with William's words, it was as though he was just like her father, denying her the pain she had felt. And she couldn't help feeling betrayed.

She paused when she heard footsteps and was relieved when she saw the Knave had followed her.

"Am I in the wrong?" she asked, unsure of her own feelings.

"Yes," he said.

It wasn't the answer she had expected, and it took her aback.

It must have shown on her face because the Knave added, "But he's in the wrong too."

Alice sighed and looked to the ground, shaking her head. The Knave was right. There were no winners to this argument.

"You told me the two of you had been good friends," he continued. "And I have to admit I haven't seen that. What happened, Alice?"

She sighed again and nodded to herself. She had been avoiding William. That was true. And finally, she understood why.

"The last time William and I saw each other," she explained. "We shared a kiss." She looked up at the Knave to see his reaction, but he didn't seem to have one. "Every time I try to recall it, I can't remember if it was something I had wanted. And I worry it might have been."

"Alice," said the Knave. "You thought Cyrus was dead. I don't think even he would blame you for wanting to find happiness elsewhere. And in any case, you're here now, literally risking everything to find him." He laughed. "I think Cyrus knows you love him."

"It's not funny," she said, offended.

"How many creatures have you slain in Wonderland?" He asked. "How many dangers have you faced?" He smiled at her. "And you're afraid of a kiss that happened a year ago?"

Alice let out a laugh of her own. It did sound ridiculous when he put it like that. "I guess I am being silly."

The Knave stepped toward her. "I know William fancies you," he told her. "That much is clear. But he seems willing to put his feelings aside to reunite you with Cyrus. You think you could put your fears aside as well and work together?"

Alice smiled at him. "This coming from a man who said people move on and betray each other all time?"

The Knave shook his head. "I already told you I shouldn't have said that. And besides, you seem to be the exception to that rule."

Alice laughed again. "Alright," she said. "Let's go back."

It was then, as she and the Knave turned to leave, that she heard the cries of her father coming from behind her.


	12. Progress

Alice stopped in her tracks when she came back to the beach and saw the camp fire had been extinguished and William was nowhere to be seen.

"William?" she yelled. Had it all been some trick? Had Jafar swooped down and captured him right before he'd taunted her with her father's life at the cliff edge. "William!"

She ran toward the fire, and as she reached it, William came running out of the woods. They both stopped moving at the sight of each other.

"Where were you?" she asked.

"I saw something," William told her. "In the sky. I thought it might be another dragon. So I extinguished the fire and hid in the woods." Her worry must have shown on her face because he added, "Is everything all right?"

"It was Jafar," she said. "He met us on the cliff with my father."

"Is he okay?" he asked, concern apparent in his voice.

"I wished him back home," she said simply.

William's body seemed to jerk. "Then you only have one wish left."

Alice nodded.

"Then I can't stay with you," said William, shaking his head. "He'll only use me against you."

Alice took a step toward him. "I want you to stay."

Silence fell between them. At last William said, "Alice, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," she said. They fell quiet again until she added, "Can we be friends again? Real friends? Like we used to be?"

William nodded. "I would like that."

"Me too," she said.

They walked toward each other and hugged. Alice had been wrong. She'd had three holes in her life. Her father's indifference, Cyrus's capture … and now she realized mending her relationship with William had filled that last one.

"Jafar -" William started once they had parted.

"Thinks you're dead," Alice finished.

William stared at her.

"You weren't with us," she explained. "He asked where you were, and I told him his dragon had killed you." With her father's final acceptance of her, it hadn't been hard for Alice to bring up the tears as she screamed at Jafar over William's fake death. She believed she had put on a convincing act. "He said he was truly sorry I wasn't able to think of a wish fast enough to save your life." Alice smiled. For some reason, Jafar's words seemed funny to her. She supposed finding humor in everything is what happened when your enemy thought they had won while you felt like the victory had been yours.

"But your last wish," said William.

"Doesn't matter," said Alice, looking at both William and the Knave, who had joined them. She felt confident and sure for perhaps the first time since William had arrived. "Wishes or no wishes, we will find Cyrus. And we are all going home. Together."

* * *

"You're doing it again."

William sighed. He had tried for a whole year to keep Alice from his mind while she was in the asylum without success. He'd even ended a nice courtship over her. He knew he shouldn't, but he just couldn't help his feelings, regardless of how badly he might wish them gone.

And today, as Alice tied her hair back so it hung in a ponytail along the side of her head, he found it even more difficult not to admire her. Her hair style reminded him of when they'd first met especially, but also of nearly all the days they had spent together.

A proper lady didn't let her hair lose in their society, and from what William understood, Alice had kept her hair down for most of her time in Wonderland. But today, she'd pulled it back, and it was driving him crazy.

"I can't help it," William told the Knave, keeping his voice down as they followed Alice through the woods. With Cyrus having escaped from Jafar's tower, they had abandoned their plan with the basket and had set out on foot. William had no idea where they were going, but Alice took the lead, apparently having some destination in mind. Or it could have been that she was just wondering aimlessly while making it look purposeful. Neither would surprise him.

"Well, try," said the Knave. "She isn't yours to look at."

William chided himself and averted his eyes to follow Alice's boots. He wasn't sure what would happen once they found Cyrus. If he couldn't keep his affections hidden, what would the genie have to say to him? Or would he simply vanish William to some other world, the troublesome admirer gone forever? Could genies even do that?

He didn't know how he'd feel seeing Alice in the arms of another man. He had no right to be jealous, he knew that. Alice loved Cyrus and he loved her, and William had no plans of interfering. He'd said he'd wanted to help reunite them, and he had meant it. He wanted Alice to be happy. But even so, though he may wish he could, he not turn off his feelings. And that fact worried him.

Alice stopped walking and paused behind a tree. She motioned for the men to move up with her.

"You go," said the Knave. "I need to answer the call of nature."

"The what?" asked William.

"I just … I need to use the loo," he said in an exasperated tone, and hurried off into the brush behind them.

"Ah," said William to himself and then hurried to stand next to Alice. He ducked behind her when he saw the guards walking through the woods.

"The Red Queen's?" he asked.

"I think they're Jafar's," she said. "But it doesn't matter. In any case, they are clearly looking for Cyrus."

"Then I guess we'll just have to find him first," he said. "Any idea where he might hide?"

"Actually, yes," she said with a smile. "I know exactly where he'd go."

It was hard for him not to stare at her. She clearly had no idea how she made him feel with no effort at all.

"So," he said, his mouth dry. "We wait for the guards to clear out, and then go to this place?"

Alice nodded. "We just have to pay a visit to the White Rabbit first."


	13. Selfishness

The three of them and the White Rabbit stood outside what appeared to be a broken down carriage. Underneath the vines that had overgrown, the dirt, and the obvious neglect of the place, William could tell it might have been a rather charming home once.

"Wait here," said the Knave. "I'll look inside."

With the news that he and the Red Queen had shared this place once upon a time, William understood the Knave might want some privacy. But he was surprised when the Knave paused after taking a step forward, turned toward him, and said, "Except for you." He jerked his head toward the carriage. "Come with me."

At first, William couldn't understand why the Knave had wanted him to join him. But once they were inside, he thought perhaps the Knave had wanted to get him alone, away from Alice and the Rabbit.

The carriage was cluttered nearly to its full, providing little room to move around. The place was littered with baskets of miscellaneous items, unassuming chests, and cloths. If someone had lived here once, there was hardly any sign of it. Now, it just looked like a dumping ground for unwanted items.

"You wanted to speak with me?" asked William, unsure if he had interrupted a personal moment as the Knave reached out to touch the skirt of a pink colored dress that hung from the ceiling.

"Yeah," said the Knave slowly, but he didn't take his hand nor his eyes off the dress.

At last, he let go and turned around to face William. "What are your plans once Alice and Cyrus are reunited?"

"I-" William hesitated. This seemed like a very unusual question. "I assume we are all going home, and - and that will be the end of it."

"You haven't been here for very long, so I'll fill you in," said the Knave. "Most of our plans go just like the basket and the dragon. They get sidetracked. The plan is to find Cyrus. The plan is to go home. But nothing goes according to plan in Wonderland."

"So …" said William.

"So when Alice finds Cyrus," continued the Knave. "And she will. Are you going to be all right with the woman you care for in the arms of another man?"

"I-I guess I'm going to have to be," said William.

"And it will just be that easy?" said the Knave.

"No …" William admitted. "But I - What is the point of this?"

"The point," said the Knave. "Is I nearly went crazy when Anastasia left me. You said you wanted to help reunite Alice and Cyrus, and I believed you. But I don't believe you can honestly tell me you'll be perfectly fine once the two of them are together."

"What are you suggesting?" asked William.

"I'm suggesting that you get your emotions in check."

"I'm trying!"

"Not nearly hard enough." The Knave turned around and began looking through the various clutter. The conversation was apparently over.

"You seem to be doing all right for yourself," said William, who was surprised at how, other than the dress, the Knave was so nonchalant about being in a place he and his loved one had shared.

"I had an option," said the Knave, opening up a chest that revealed a lamp-shaped hope where Cyrus' bottle must have once been. "I took it."

"What kind of option?" asked William, curious.

The Knave looked back at him. "Not one I'd recommend."

William might have pressed further, but that's when they heard the noise coming from under the blanket.

* * *

The three of them stood in a marvelous tent, decorated in beautiful carpets and pillows. Alice paced, fretting with each movement, searching in vain for something. The Knave was admiring the bed and the various other comforts the tent provided that they hadn't had access to in the wilderness. William stood between the two of them, aware of the tension rising in the air, but not knowing how to defuse it.

"There's nothing here!" Alice yelled in frustration. "No note! No sign of him! Nothing!"

She went off, ranting about how Cyrus might have been captured or worse or maybe had never escaped at all and they had just wasted their time.

"Alice! Alice!" said William, stepping toward her, his hands outstretched in a gesture that called for calm. "Maybe we just got here for before him."

"We took a detour!" she yelled him.

"Yes," he said, thinking quickly. "Yes, we did. But he was also on the run, wasn't he? Those guards were looking for him. Maybe he had to move slowly, cover his tracks. Maybe he got pinned down and had to wait before moving forward. All I'm saying is just because he's not here, doesn't mean he's not on his way."

His words calmed her a little, the heat draining from her face as she seemed to begin to relax.

"We're running out of time," said the Knave from behind them. "We can't wait forever. Now, the Rabbit's outside-"

"We're not leaving!" yelled Alice, destroying the calm William had tried to establish. "Not without Cyrus!" And then she strode angrily to the door.

William sighed and looked at the Knave who shrugged. William liked the man well enough, but he wasn't sure he'd had the right to tell him off about not being able to hide his feelings for Alice when the Knave obviously had some selfish tendencies of his own.

* * *

She hardly dared to believe what she saw as Cyrus came running toward the tent. But her heart leapt, and the rest of her leapt with it.

"Cyrus!"

She ran out to meet him, the two of them running into each other's arms. And that moment became the only thing that mattered. William's assurances, the Knave's skepticism, the Rabbit's promises - she forgot all of them for that moment when she was sure Cyrus was hers once again. The feel of his arms around her, the joy on his face, the warmth of his lips on hers - this was all that was important in the world. At last, she was complete and happy, and nothing would ever rob her of it again or make her feel like she had lost herself. This, she was sure of.

And then she heard the voice of the Red Queen, and the moment shattered.


	14. Suffering

Alice felt life return to her, and she opened her eyes to see Cyrus' shinning face.

"You're alive," he said and hugged her to him.

The Knave had used his wish to save her, but Alice didn't understand why Cyrus hadn't returned to his bottle.

"The Knave wished to end your suffering," said the Rabbit. "Part of your pain was not being with the one you loved."

Alice smiled. Cyrus was free!

She moved to hug him again when she heard a cry of pain, and she turned to see William lying on the ground and clutching his heart like it was killing him.

"William!" she hurried to him and took him into her arms. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"Have I …?" he asked slowly as he looked up at her. "Caused you ... pain, Alice?"

"No," Alice told him. "No, of course you have-" But Alice stopped. She knew she was fooling herself. How many times since she had met William had it pained her to think she might have feelings for another man besides Cyrus? That pain had been present during their courtship, her time at the asylum, and ever since he'd come back to her in Wonderland. She would never have admitted it, but he had caused her to suffer.

"But if this is part of the wish," she said to Cyrus. "Wouldn't he already be dead?"

"I've seen this before," said Cyrus as he got to his feet. "The wish is in conflict. His death might end your suffering but it would also cause more."

"So…" said Alice, tears running down her face. "The wish just has to make up its mind?" It seemed a cruel fate that William had to suffer the pain of dying before the wish could decide what to do.

Cyrus shook his head. "The wish has to carry out what was asked of it." His face crumpled as though he shared her grief. "He will die, Alice. It's just going to take its time."

"There must be something!" cried Alice desperately as William gave another cry of pain.

Cyrus shook his head again. "Not unless there's another way to end your suffering."

Alice turned back to William who was taking gasping breaths. She clutched his arm, pulling him closer to her. Tears fell from her eyes onto his shirt.

"I'm sorry," she told him, bringing her hand to caress the side of his face. "I'm so sorry." Whatever pain he might have caused, she felt it was something she should have worked out on her own. It wasn't right for him die for feelings she had been too afraid to confront.

"It's … oh … kay" he gasped, struggling and failing to raise his hand to touch her cheek. She knew he forgave her, but she would never be able to forgive herself.

As his eyes started to unfocus, as the tense muscles of his body started to slacken, she did the only thing she could think of and pressed her lips to his.

She thought of the times they had spent together - picnicking at the park, tea at his house, dinner at hers. She thought of the way he'd made her feel, that she could be loved and accepted and admired in a time when she had believed no one could feel that way about her. She thought of wanting him, whether it was true or not that she had, she made herself want him now. She thought of the kiss the two of them had shared before she'd left for the asylum and how now she wished more than anything that she could go back to that moment when he was alive and warm in her arms.

She clutched his shirt and kissed him with abandon, with the fact in her mind that his very life depended on the wish believing that she loved him, that there was no conflict between Cyrus and him. She thought of all his good qualities, the ones that had made her admire him and believe that in another life they could have been a good match. She thought of his proposal and how her life might have been if she'd told him yes. She thought of joy and love and laughter and family.

When her emotions rose up in her chest, she couldn't help but pull away from him with a sob. She put a hand over her mouth to cover another one once she saw his face lay pale and lifeless beneath hers. She turned to look at Cyrus, whose expression she couldn't read. But in that moment, she felt no pain or regret at what she'd done or at her feelings.

A gasp of air came from beneath her and she turned her head to look down at William, who had life in him again.

"Alice?" he said in confusion.

She pulled him to her in a tight embrace. She might have sobbed had she not found it so hard to breathe from all the emotions coursing through her.

"Wha …?" breathed William. "Wha …? What happened?"

Alice pulled back from their embrace to look at him. "It doesn't matter," she told him, tears running freely. "You're safe now. You're safe."

She hugged him again and wished she could stay in that embrace and never let go because the fear was starting to make its way toward her heart. At last, she let go of him. But she kept her head down, too scared of what she might see if she met his eyes. And as she stood and turned from him, she looked at the Rabbit because she was too afraid to look at Cyrus.

And then her eyes traveled to where the Red Queen sat, her arms empty of the man she had been holding.

"Where's the Knave?" she asked, and a new terror took hold - one that the wish had already carried out.

* * *

**With the midseason finale, since this fic is following the storyline of the show, I'm afraid this story is going to have to go on hiatus as well. Rest assured I'm just as eager to find out what happens next as you are! I will pick things back up as soon as the show does. In the mean time, review, share, and feel free to check out my other fanfics.**


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